MINDFUL TALKING

This week I have implemented mindful talking in our house. I have noticed that my girls are starting to fight a lot. I am aware that having 3 daughters in the house who all have a streak of stubbornness and added to that some attitude, oh and let's not forget their own strong personalities, you could say that there may be a little or a lot of conflicted opinions that these little souls each have! As a mother this can become slightly frustrating and annoying and I often want to pull my hair out trying to be the mediator.

I decided that I would like for them to start practicing mindful talking - what is this? I am teaching them that they need to learn that when they talk to anyone, be it an adult or another child or even someone younger than them, and yes this includes their sisters, they need to watch what they say. I want them to talk to others in a way that they would want to be spoken to. So if someone is mean and says horrible things to them, how does this make them feel? If the wheels are turned and they are the ones who are saying mean things or talking in an aggressive way to anyone else then they need to become aware of how the other person may be feeling. When we talk to someone we need to do it with love and respect. I want them to learn to listen to what the other person is saying without having an immediate reaction. How often do we really mindfully listen to what other people are saying? Are our reactions too quick and words are said that are hurtful and unnecessary? We are going to try to listen to someone without interrupting them before they have finished. I have told the girls to practice pausing before they speak and to take one deep full breath and consider what is about to come out of their mouths before they say anything. As Epictetus said, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”

There is a lot of nasty talk that can happen with children and I feel that if we can implement mindful talking at a young age and if it can start at home we can hopefully see a change. There is so much bullying happening in schools and even out of school and a lot of it starts with hurtful words. Mindful talking takes discipline. It means listening and respecting another person’s reality of a situation even if we don’t agree. It means learning to accept others and ourselves as deserving of the same type of kindness and support. It means having to take responsibility for our words, actions, and reactions and their effects on others and ourselves. But for all the energy it takes to cultivate a moment-to-moment focus and observe our words and actions without judgment, what mindful communication gives us is a guideline for communicating that is kind, honest, and helpful.

Teaching kids mindful talking now will give them one of the most amazing gifts you can give them for when they are older and it is a tool they will use for the rest of their lives. I hope that I can encourage you to all start using this practice and see if it changes the way you talk and listen.